Monday, December 31, 2012

Day 31

December 31
Finishing a year well

A few weeks ago our activity was to write "10 things I love about you" notes to each person in our family with the intention of opening those today. This gave us all the opportunity to see ourselves through the eyes of the people who know us best. But only the lovable parts. The parts that smooth over the rough patches. It is a way to say goodbye to the year past and yet bring with us the best of who we were into the new year. Because my parents were here as well, we each wrote a note for them to open with us. It was beautiful to hear my children's appreciation of each other. Some very wise and insightful words were spoken over the course of the evening. It was precious. My personal favourite from my envelope was, "I love your tummy, I lived there once." 

Resolutions so often give voice to what we see as weaknesses or faults in ourselves. We focus on where we faltered and promise not to do it again, only to be discouraged before February hits with our lack of endurance or will power. I am not certain that this is really the best way to begin a new season. There is plenty of time all year round to choose to be resolved about "fixing" oneself. For myself, this year I am choosing to honour the year that is ending and let it go. 

2012 was a year stuffed full and bursting at the seams with change. 

We spent the year pregnant with a dream that was ready to see the light of reality. We faced insecurities. We measured our worth in hours of work and then slowly passed on that work to other capable hands. We learned to measure our worth in different units. Then we learned not to measure it at all. 

This year we said more good-byes than we had ever before. We laughed louder and cried harder and embraced tighter. We let go of a life we had built for ourselves that was good and satisfying to find out what may lay just beyond the horizon of safety. We took a great leap and have yet to land.

This year exposed our weaknesses, flaws and intimate failures which left us raw and naked. We found the worst bits of ourselves hiding dormant in the recesses of our hearts, waiting for the tethers of comfort to be undone. We faced those bits with frustration and tears and conflict, until we came to accept them and understand them. Then, like shadows react to the sun reaching higher in the sky, they shrunk and didn't seem so encompassing.

This year we chose to trust God with everything and discovered the freedom of having nothing to lose.

So, we end this year grateful for good company, new friends and old friends. We release the wealth and health, frustration and failures of the past year and embrace the new one. With our children and my parents we honour the people we have been by sharing the parts we hope will go on. 

May 2013 be a year of incredible adventure and growth.

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