Thursday, August 09, 2007

Directionless contemplation

A bit of an odd morning. I was awake at 4 am crawling into bed with Selah and Shiloh with the intention of preventing Selah from crawling into bed with us and waking Alex. They woke up at 6 and we all headed to the chilly basement to watch a movie so I could try and get a little more shut-eye. No such luck. So I have been puttering around ever since in a fuzzy state.

At 10am a friend came to drop off her two nephews, one of which is now sleeping on the couch next to me. Shiloh is asleep on the couch downstairs and Selah is trying to lay down with her "baby" on yet another couch in here. The sounds of children are coming from every direction and the smell of lunch is wafting in from the kitchen.

I have a lengthy list of things I could should would be doing if I could focus for more than a few minutes. Contemplation on the meaning of life brings memories to mind of "Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy." How many weird movies have I sat through since Alex and I started dating? Some were good .......some hours of my life I would like back.....Not years though. I wouldn't ask for any years back. 8 years for us, 60 for my grandparents. Where will we be in 52 years? Will we have grandchildren? great-grandchildren? Will we both still be living? In this house? Will Alex stay the fantastic oddball that he is? Will we have regrets? Do I have regrets now? I don't think so. I have no real ambitions for anything more than we have. Maybe a couple more kids somehow. I would like to knit just one pair of socks. I don't need a wardrobe of knotted string like my sister. Just one pair of socks would be cool. I would like to be healthier than I am now. Well, I am far too tired to do anything about that today. Tomorrow maybe I will walk before everyone gets up. I can't wait until Alex and I can take walks again. That will mean we don't have babies or toddlers anymore. Hmm. Everything is a trade I guess. Pros and cons everywhere. Kids are waking up, asking for food. No more daydreaming in type for now. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up with fewer questions, distractions. For now, more coffee will keep me going.

1 comment:

Mrs.Q said...

everybody should have a wardrobe of knotted string...!