Monday, July 30, 2007

Get real

I have been having a bit of a panic lately over life's difficulties. Big and small. Frustrated at God, my prayers have been a little more like accusations, ending in, "why couldn't you have made this easier?" or "why didn't you equip me better for this?" I felt as though the beautiful moments were becoming fewer and farther between and I was enjoying them less because of other things weighing on my mind. Finally, one morning after work, I confided in a friend that I was feeling overwhelmed by many difficult situations in my life or in lives of friends and family. My question was, "Am I just an emotional wimp who needs to suck it up?" Her answer was, "Naw, I get like like that sometimes." And suddenly I felt better.

I enjoyed my children more that day than I had in a week. I noticed the incredible view from my kitchen window again. I put my fingers in dirt and smelled earth and remembered how to smile after days of being in a funk. Somehow just knowing that this woman, who I respect a great deal for her compassion and her positive outlook, felt just as crummy just as often as I do made me feel better. Life just sucks sometimes. It's not my opinion, or my secret weakness. I don't have to apologize for it. Sometimes it's just not easy and trying to fake it just makes it worse. So get real about it.

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