A mini bucket list

I spent the afternoon kayaking amidst lilly pads and raindrops at Jim Smith Lake. My friend Lizz and I have tried to have a few such outdoor adventures this summer. There hasn't been much opportunity since it's been a busy summer and one of us has four children, but we have managed a few days of natur-esk communing.

While shivering in the boat talking about Lizz's personal bucket list, we decided to put together a mini list for the next year and a half. A list of things we will aspire to do before 2010. We used Lizz's current list for ideas and I am sure we will come up with a few of our own. The only rules are that it has to be practical (I won't be going on any very large trip this year) but they have to be things we haven't ever done before. A couple of things already on the list are donate blood, camp on Mt. Fisher, and do an Okanagan wine tour. Me thinks it's going to be an interesting year!

Thank goodness that lazy saturday's haven't gone extinct!

I woke up at work this morning an lept out of bed to meet my mother-in-law for a morning of perusing the Baine's Lake farmers market. It was really fun( and fairly expensive). We enjoyed a good coffee, turkey jerky, and some cherries while we wandered about looking for items we couldn't live without. I scored a really fun skirt that morphs into a whole wardrobe and a funky bracelet that has already doubled as good kid distraction. The conversation was good. We laughed, we got serious, we pretty much caught up after a summer of total busyness. It was awesome. As if this day couldn't get any better.....

I followed up my morning at the market with an afternoon in a good friend's backyard. She is one of those friend's that I can expose all of my crazy me-ness to without fear of offense, judgment, or skepticism. Our conversation lasted for four hours and covered just about every topic you could imagine. We gorged ourselves on shared word-smithing and came out smiling.

I am so appreciative, for all my activity, that there is space in my life for deep, hilarious relationship. Home for the evening, we are heading up to the family plot-o-dirt to dig in and get messy as a group. Good 'ol tribal bonding over fresh veggies and hoses full of water! It just doesn't get better!

Mama is verging on panic!

So, six more days. Six more days until my little man enters gr. four and goes to school for the first time. I have managed to put this day off longer than most. Four years longer. But now my son is going to head off into unknown territory. Hang out with kids I may or may not like. Make decisions his Mom won't be able to congratulate or correct.

Oh, I know it's good for him! Don't lecture me in your head. I am not going to hover. I am not going to spy. And I not going to spend everyday worrying, I can't! There are three other kids here, two of whom are not getting their education outside the house just yet.

It's just that, this happened so fast. I know I rolled my eyes when anyone said, "Oh, Sarah, look at you. You are just growing up so fast." It didn't seem fast. And I can tell Levi doesn't think so either. But time sped up somewhere. What on earth do I do with that? Is it going to get faster?

Am I just crazy, or is there a chance I am not the only Mom going through this on this particular week? I am going to find some chocolate.

Levi's adventurous birthday

It was a great day all around, spent with family and friends. The highlight however, according to Levi was our encounter with law enforcement. The story goes....

We were getting ready to have the families up for dessert and realized we didn't have enough fruit for fruit salad, so we decided to run to the store. Now that we have the scooter we try to use the van as little as possible. Levi wanted to go pick out his own fruit so we thought maybe a good birthday privilege was a ride on the scooter.

We found a suitable helmet and Levi and I headed to the store. Part way there, we hear the oh-so-comforting sound of a siren and pull over. Of course, I am panicking thinking, "Was I speeding? Did I miss a stop sign? And in front of my son! Good job Mom!" He asks for my license and registration, very politely. As I hand it over I ask, "Was I going to fast officer?" His reply was, " Well, you just seemed little and so.......I thought since I pulled you over anyway, I should check you license just in case."

At least he had the good sense to look a little sheepish and Levi was just so interested in the whole event I don't think he noticed that the nice police man was actually pulling us over because he thought we were children out for a joyride.

Happy Birthday Levi!

YAY!! and ACK!!! all at the same time.

It's official! We are on file at the ministry of children and families as foster parents. They took a family photo and everything. So now we wait. The kids ask almost constantly when a child will be placed with us. We have had some very interesting conversations about why it's not really something we should hope for because it means that there is a little boy or girl who, for whatever reason, can't be with their own parents. Obviously most of our current population doesn't quite get this concept so they continue to ask.

Another interesting conversation was when the social workers came over and asked about my job and I told them it changed. Again. For the umpteenth time since we started this process. They assured me that they don't think I'm flakey anyway.

As for the job thing, I am working one to two nights a week for now and waiting for an interview with another organization where I can have flexible hours. I will be teaching two music classes in the fall and though it's not tons of money, it'll do. All this has the added bonus of being able to parent my own children again. Which is SO nice. Today we barbecued dinner for Daddy, did the dishes and walked to the garden as a family. Quite loverly.

That money thing has always worked itself out before. It will do so again I'm sure. :)

Seattle and Anniversary # 9!

I have spent the last week in Seattle training to be a MusikGarten teacher. Every day at least once my heart just skips a beat with the utter certainty that I have always been supposed to do this. The idea of teaching families (not just children) the value of music to a body, mind, and soul, excites me and fills me with wonder. Being a Dalton, all the world hasn't just been a stage , it's been musical theater. There was always breaking out in to song for every occasion. What I once thought of as weird, I am coming to learn, is actually a huge part of what makes me, well, me. Now I get to share it in such a lovely way. I am SO excited!!

Speaking of breaking out into song, it wasn't so very long ago that my new husband stared at me blankly and asked me why on earth I kept randomly singing. Since then he has learned the whys behind that and so many other Daltonly quirks that have popped up. I have discovered the background to his many little quirks as well and fallen more in love with him for the learning.

A few nights before I left, we were laying in bed talking about life and all it's little fun moments. After a particularly sweet discussion, I leaned over and said, "I am still madly in love with you." "Thanks," he said. I waited. Then I said, "You are supposed to tell me how madly in love with me you are too!" His reply was, "I didn't know there was a script!" "You have been married to me too many years to not know there is a script!!" Without missing a beat, my dear, sweet, hilarious husband hollers, "Line!" And we both burst into fits of laughter rolling on the bed.

Damn I love that man!! Happy anniversary honey! I totally miss you and can't wait to see you!!

Into every life, a few weirdos must fall...

That's what the pastor at church said this morning during a sermon on mercy. At the time all I could think was, "you have no idea....." Little did I know that later on this very day my dear sister and her hubby would visit and prove our pastors theory.

I was going to blog about the tickle camel and the kid's enjoyment of him but as I sat at the computer next to my dosing brother-in-law, my sister snuck up on him. Carefully lifting the bottom of his shirt, she has woken him with a zerbert to the belly. Lifting his head suddenly, he squealed, "what are you doing, where's the brie?" It's all about priorities.....

Meanwhile the batteries in the camera are dead so tickle camel pictures will have to wait until tomorrow.

so .....ok then

new van. suddenly, cleanly broken axle. S'ok, fixed by a friend. Mechanic friend is beginning to believe that vans really are repulsed by us. Whatever. It runs now. And honestly at this point, if we get stuck somewhere while on vacation this summer, I don't think it will hurt my feelings to have an excuse to not come back to work for a little while longer.

In other news, I have new wine glasses, and pretty new blackberry wine. So....Yum!

Dear Dad

Yesterday was a crazy roller coaster and so I am a day late but here it is.

What she said and.....

"As long as one and one make two, there has never been a daughter loved her Father more than I love you"

I am so appreciative that even when we stubborn two were butting heads during my hormonal years, if there was a banquet, or a mania, or a perry creek party, I could still dance with my Daddy. Watching you dance with my daughter this year was priceless.


Although I must say, this is the only time I can remember that your dance partner's style was more eccentric than your own.

I love you!!

I AM the little engine that could. I think.

• I made turkey/chicken soup first thing this morning.
  
• My phone rang a total of eight times before I left the house at 9:30 with six kids to run errands and visit the animals at Top Crop.
  
• All my daughters have pigtails today. That may not seem like a big deal to anyone who doesn't have three daughters under the age of 8, but it is. Trust me.
• Juggle cell phone calls regarding babysitters during work next week and switching shifts so I can have one day off this week.
  
• Home for a good wholesome lunch after dropping Levi off at the school at 12:00.
• Clean up and laundry. Sort recycling. Wrap Alexanders gift.
• Blog!
  
• Get Hannah working on her schoolwork. Out again by 2:00
• Drop off schoolwork and books at the other school.
• Drop off recycling.
  
• Drop off Shiloh at the birthday party. Pick up Levi.
• Off to the eye Dr. for Levi
• Back home again for good wholesome dinner. Pick up Shiloh.
• Kiss husband. Soundly. Twice at least.
• Start dishwasher and laundry.
• Off to work.

As I am typing this I am only on the first load of laundry on the list. It appears I am going to need a little more coffee.

Wet and wild

It has been bucketing rain for what has come to feel like weeks. It has confirmed that the coast is simply not ever going to be an option for habitation. I would go nuts. There is mud in the entrance way that just comes back within hours of my cleaning it up, I can't weed my garden or cut my grass, and yesterday was spent sucking up water and drying out the carpet downstairs because someone knocked the bottom off one of the gutter drains again. I am so ready for sunshine.

In other news, I was honored to be witness to the birth of Micah Thomas Stevenson on Saturday evening. He was born right between a celebration at Mayook and the Luminary service at Relay-for-life, Beth and I were playing at. So far he is behaving just as convenient as his birth. He eats and sleeps well, is not overly fussy, and he is beautiful. Fresh baby makes everything more bearable, including flooded basements.

We also have a new van so I don't have to worry about being stranded with 6 or 7 kids downtown when the old van decided no amount of coaxing will get it going again. I will miss the seats in the middle that can turn around but the trade is that we now have sliding doors on either side and auto start button. Plus, it's green!

Well, I think that's it. Why do I feel like there is more going on? Nope. That's it. Have a nice day!

Tonight

Beth and I are going to folk-out at the Kimberly relay-for-life tonight, so I got all gussied up for the occasion. I even put on make-up! As I sat down to check my email, Selah hops up on my lap and stares at me concerned.

"Mama?"
"Yes, Selah?"
"You ate the paint?"

This tells you how often I wear lipstick. If I was one of those "well-put-together" ladies, my Saturday afternoon wouldn't have induced nearly as much laughter. Cheers to us granola girls!

side-note

The eyebrow waxing was a totally spontaneous, bizarre lapse in judgment that never made it to my toes. As I said, I am better now and everything will grow back. Besides, it's just like playing dress-up. I like dress-up. :P

In a nutshell

This week in reader's digest version.....

Job's changing again, just not sure exactly how.

Had extra kids all week. For two days in a row we had Kensi (3) and Dallin (9? mnths). On day one, I brought Dallin to the baby music class I teach on Thursday mornings. What a riot! On day two, we all went to the trout hatchery with the other local homeschooling families. Um, yea...anyway....

My beautiful, round-bellied friend, Barb brought me to meet the new midwife who is working with Jane. She was lovely and I look forward to working with her, if not with Barb, in the future with another Mother.

Saturday morning Mom and Dad took the kids to a parade while Alex and I had a date that began with a picnic and checking out the garage sales and ending in a bizarre lapse of sanity on my part. I chopped all my hair off (Lizz did a beautiful job), bought make-up, and let someone wax my eyebrows. (??#??#??#) She told me how updated I look now. All I could think was, "You can't update me, I'm twenty-six, I'm new!" I'm better now and am just glad I didn't do anything more permanent like get piercings or a tattoo. God help me when I turn forty.

What brought on the neurotic episode is the fact that my baby turned three yesterday marking my official exit from the land of babies and toddlers. I know most people are thinking I should be relieved, but I walked out of high school and gave birth. This is a very different experience. I am really just not sure what the heck to do with it. Anyway, the birthday party was fun and Selah got some very cool instruments from the Grandparents and honorary Grandma.

After the party, the day went completely sideways and though blog-worthy, it will have to wait until I have time to post again.

Odds and sods of Spring

The day after

News vans, satellites, clean-up crews and random spectators are everywhere as I step outside my door. I tried to garden, watch "Rupert" with the kids, eat a pizza picnic in the backyard. Normal, everyday things. Things that remind you that life keeps ticking away no matter the circumstance.

Though I go through the motions, my mind returns constantly to a friend of mine who is now mourning the loss of a family member. It has vividly brought back the feeling I had in the first weeks after Dooger died. That desperate need to scream at the universe, "Take it back!!!" Trying to figure out how to claw back the hands of the clock to a place in time when you could change the course of history.

Now, mingled with the news regurgitating everything about the Sullivan mine accident two years ago tomorrow, there is news of this new tragedy. New people whose absence this community must adjust to. New people whose stories will be told over and over in the coming months through tears and laughter.

So again, as two years ago, I am reminded that the only day we were promised was yesterday. With my beautiful munchkins beside me I am going to put some more green things in the ground and let the sunshine wash away some of this weary feeling.

Last night a friend shared a song with me that was perfection in that moment.
The last verse goes like this....

It all seems so obvious now
When I look back over my life
There's a need for sorrow and doubt
For darkness and for light
It's how it must be

All in good time.....
The bad time will be gone

May 13, 2008

Approximately two hours ago, four people died tragically in a helicopter accident at the bottom of our alley. We were sitting at our window when we noticed the low flying aircraft above the houses across the street. The men inside appeared to be looking for something as the helicopter swayed from side to side. Moments later we heard the crash and saw the smoke.

We rushed outside to find the alley engulfed in thick black smoke. We thought the house on the corner was on fire. As the smoke cleared we stood helpless while a body lay in flames in the street. We could not go any closer to try and help because of the ignited fuel on the ground and the popping sounds still coming from the wreckage.

Now, as I watch the spectators congregating outside our windows, I am repulsed by the gawking. People taking pictures with their cell-phones and camera's. Teenagers laughing and pushing each other around. The looks on people's faces make it seem as if they are at a carnival; as though they aren't at the site of a tragedy. As though four lives didn't just end in all this entertainment. As though there aren't four bodies of people who were loved laying underneath those tarps.

I find myself offering up a prayer not just for the victims and their families but also for the people walking down my street. I pray that they may be touched by the deep sorrow of what has happened here. I am not sure how I feel about being part of a society whose curiosity is capable of outweighing their compassion.

Mommy, Madre, Mama, Mammy, Mutter

Tomorrow will be my 9th Mother's day (if you count the pregnant one) as one of the honored guests. My house daily overflows with kids and their laughter and tantrums alike. And I love it! And I am regularly seized with excitement mingled with terror as we ride this wild roller coaster of parenting.

Even on the days that I am longing for a vacation, I am filled with gratitude. I won't tell them until they are ready to move out (for fear that it may go to their heads) but these small people inhabiting my home are the not the only students of life lessons here. Even as I instruct, and console, and mend, and kiss, and wait, and breathe, and count to ten, I am struck by the knowledge that these "teachable moments" are as much for me as for them. There are so many revelations to be unwrapped in the words and through the eyes of children.

I have learned that patience takes practice for everyone, no matter how many years you have lived.
I have learned that ants, blades of grass, wind, moving water, and human body are creations deserving of observation.
I have learned that even something as common as the birth of another baby can hold the status of miracle.
I have learned that crayon can be washed out of a dryer with WD-40 and time.
I have learned that potty-training comes in it's own time despite singing potties, color changing pull-ups, and cool books about peeing.
I have learned that the very best, meticulously made plans just aren't worth anything when the latest favorite teddy is lost.
I have learned that love has no boundaries. None. It can go everywhere.
I have learned that little boys are born thinking little girls have penis envy. That one is definitely nature rather than nurture.
I have learned that even though scraped knees hurt, they are crucial to the process of learning to ride a bike and the even more difficult lesson is that heartbreaks are crucial to learning the lessons of friendship, self-worth, and compassion.

I am still learning how to let go and trust other people not to damage the children I love so deeply.
I am still learning how not to come to the rescue all the time.
I am still learning how very not in control of anything I really am.
I am still learning that sometimes resistance is futile.
I am learning that Motherhood belongs to anybody who chooses to nurture, lift up, mend, and teach.

And most importantly, I think, I am coming to understand why God doesn't always come to my rescue just when and how I ask. Yet, just as I am waiting to embrace my children after a particularly difficult lesson or applaud them when they accomplish something that seemed impossible to them before, I know my Abba is there.

There are so very many lessons yet to come on this ever evolving journey and I hope I remember to slow down and pay attention enough to learn them well.

Happy 29th birthday to my very own genius saskwatch!

So, we were at a wedding last year or maybe the year before and Alex's big revelation to the groom was that marriage was like a really long sleepover. It's probably not a comment you're going to read in a Shakespeare romance, but it gave me warm fuzzies all over anyway. Probably the biggest compliment a person could get is that after several years of marriage, their spouse still calls it a sleepover. On one Alex-planned anniversary, we dyed our hair blue. Now that is some sizzling love-life right there. Serious points for originality. He is an amazing Daddy who isn't afraid to change a diaper or kiss a boo-boo. He is also a fabulous teacher, not just to our kids but also to the people around us. He has this way of being downright direct without ever making you feel judged. He is equally passionate about his faith and his pursuit of science. He can bring the two into a harmony I never would have thought possible. He is friendly and warm, gentle and honorable. He is generous and forgiving beyond anyone else I have ever met. He is an artist and a scientist. A skilled tradesman and a poet. A geek and goofball. And above all else, he is hairy. Really really hairy. Our children will have toe hair.

Happy birthday my love!!

Blog therapy

After a very in-depth, emotional conversation with my mother, I have come to the conclusion that my undisciplined toe hair practices are a result of low self-esteem caused by seeing my father wearing pink tights in public. Childhood trauma like that simply cannot be undone by therapy.......

( I should probably clarify that the pink tights were part of a town crier costume for the children's festival. For the record, when you are coming up on adolescence, knowing the purpose of the pink tights does not lessen the impact.)