I am so affected by everything. Totally and completely. I was sitting at home today and realized that I am sad today. I couldn't figure out why. I LOVE my new job and where my old one is going. I am totally pumped about the new things starting up for us this fall. I am even excited about Levi's progress in school. I am ridiculously in love with my husband and have really delighted in this time with my daughters. Things are really good. Am I getting depressed? No, that's not it. So, why am I sad?
Upon reflection, I realized I'm not sad for me. There has been a lot going on for a lot of the people I love lately. I have administered many a hug these last couple of weeks. Sent up more petitioning prayers than I can count, and soaked up more tears with my t-shirts than I could water my tomato plants with. For a while, I contemplated the fact that I should learn to distance myself. I should figure out how to tame my emotions a bit. But I decided against it.
The thing is, for as sad as I was today, I brim with joy on other days. To see my closest friend birth her child made me weep with much more comfortable tears. A potluck with friends and the intimacy of music makes my heart want to leap right out of my chest. For whatever extremes I experience in the other direction, these ones are worth it. So today hurts. Some days hurt more. I can't fix it, or make it better, no matter how much I care, but I can grieve alongside and bear up with the people around me. The other option I think would be cynicism and, quite frankly, even the sad parts of life are too beautiful to go there.