For Alex, the last Valentine's gift you'll ever get.

My husband and I have argued about Valentine's Day for almost our entire relationship. It's been a source of contention for at least a week every year. Why? Well, up until just yesterday, I thought the reason we were arguing was because he was stubborn.

He refused to just be romantic on Feb.14. He claimed that the consumerism and expectation made the whole thing feel insincere. In his words, "It's a day people have to go out of their way with romance just to break even." His theory is that we shouldn't need a day, especially one that has so much unreasonable expectation wrapped up in it. He thinks we shouldn't be putting so much energy and money into something just because everyone else does.

Until yesterday, I strongly disagreed. Yesterday, as I prepared myself for dissapointment, I finally became aware that my dissapointment had only to do with expectations that were unreasonable in light of my husbands clearly stated opinion. Yesterday I realized every single thing he says actually lines up with my own core values and beliefs. Yesterday I finally understood that we really, truly, do not have to love eachother on the same days or the same ways as I percieve everyone else to. Yesterday I saw my husband for the first time again, and I saw the million ways he loves me every day.

My husband has never tried to teach me to use the espresso machine. He makes me lattes and has taught my children to use the espresso machine.

My husband gets up early with me once a week and makes breakfast for the living room full of teenagers that are my responsibility, not his.

My husband let me keep the puppy and several cats over the years.

My husband, who is an introvert, has fully embraced my intentional-community lifestyle. We have been foster parents, had family live with us, had room mates and regularly host large gatherings in our home.

My husband makes gourmet standard meals for our family and the various other people I invite to live and dine with us.

My husband, though he will not move into a van with me when the kids move out, has agreed to let me park it in his driveway.

My husband worked hard as a blacksmith to provide financially for our family for twelve years and allowed me to stay home with our kids as I wanted to. Then, when we moved and life changed, my husband put his dream of owning his own blacksmith shop on hold. He is now home-schooling our kids so I can work full time with YoungLIfe, my dream job.

Last night, my husband asked me not to order food when I went out with some ladies because he wanted to make me a snack when I got home. The day before Valentine's Day, my husband cooked me lobster, in spite of his strong feelings, sacrificing his stand on an issue, to love me the way my expectations demanded. He is so good to me.

So, on this Valentine's Day, 2014, I am blogging my last Valentine's gift to this amazing man. I am putting this in blog form so I can't take it back and my friends will hold me accountable should I complain in future years.

Alex, I commit to never expect or demand romance just because of Valentine's Day again. I will surprise you with affectionate gifts and gestures throughout the year, for no reason in particular, with no expectations attached, just because I love you. And if, for some unforseen reason, we should find ourselves in need of a specific day to remind us to express our love again, I will make up my very own holiday just for that purpose. It will have nothing to do with anyone else, or even with how I expect you to love me back. It will just be my holiday, just to remind me to love you without expectation of reciprocation. Just like you do for me everyday.

Happy Valentines Day!

Here's to all the Mama's!

Here's to the Mama's. All the Mama's...

Here's to the women whose wombs never grew round and full with babies, either by choice or circumstance, who still choose to kiss boo-boo's, wipe bottoms, hold hands and dry tears.

Here's to my single, childless friend, who is a mother to many children in Africa, standing guard for them against apathy and demanding better of the rest of the world.

Here's to my friend who already had four of her own and adopted one more because she had more room in her house and in her heart.

Here's to the too many friends who are raising their kids on their own without the partnership of the other parent. They are so brave and so enduring.

Here's to my friend who has seen two of her sweet sweet babies leave this world so soon after they arrived and still managed keep her faith and her gentle spirit.

Here's to the foster moms we have met that love other people's children so well and so completely only to let them go. They choose to repeatedly allow their hearts to be broken in hopes of protecting the little hearts of many.

Here's to the lady in the parking lot of Save-On who threw a snowball at me just because. I don't know her and can't even remember what she looked like, but boy that was fun!

Here's to every neighbour, teacher, friend or stranger who encouraged or taught me. Who didn't give up on me when I was a cheeky kid, restless pot-head or pregnant teenager.

Here's to my husband's mother who raised the most honest, gentle and wise man I know. She taught him to be faithful in everything and to celebrate his uniqueness. He has passed both along to my children.

Here's to my Mama. She is tough as nails on the outside and soft as kittens on the inside. She loves deeply and fiercely and she taught me to do the same.

Here's to me. I started the mama thing a little (OK a lot) earlier than most, but my kids seem to be doing alright in spite of my inexperience.

Here's to all the Mamas. All of us who nurture the shy ones, redirect the willful ones, and taught the weird ones to relish their weirdness. All of us who cheer for sports we never liked watching. All of us who pray desperate prayers in the dark clinging to threads of hope. To all of us who fail, who succeed, who give up, who try again, who just hang in there.

Happy Mother's Day.

Speaking of kindness......

About three and a half years ago, Alex and I were at a Lifelinks conference in Medicine Hat when the weirdest thing came out of his mouth. "I think we need to plant a church." My response was quick and not well thought out. "You're on crack."

Just for clarity sake, I will state here for the record, that Alex wasn't, nor has ever been on crack. I have been informed that my less than well thought out remarks may have been the cause of certain rumours. Moving on....

My response came largely from the fact that we were seven years in to a church plant in Cranbrook. We weren't the visionaries, but we had been there from the beginning and participated in hashing out the first mission statement. We looked for places to rent, hauled concrete, painted walls, and served in every possible ministry over the course of those seven years. After all those years of sweaty tears and hard work, it was getting really good.  Why leave only to go back to the beginning again? Seriously. Why?

Well, Alex, being the gracious man he is, would occasionally try to start up the conversation but didn't press the issue when I walked away, or closed doors on him, or stared blankly back at him as though I didn't speak English. He waited.

About six months later, around this time of year actually, I was woken up around 2:30 in the morning by a very vivid dream. I was surrounded by kids and their parents, gardening and building fences. It was sunny and warm, our faces and hands were dirty and we were content. Somehow I knew this dream took place in Kelowna, though I had never been there. That I remembered anyway. As I woke up, I realized Alex was wide awake next to me. "If I was to agree to plant somewhere with you, where would we go." At the time his answer was frightening to me. "Kamloops or Kelowna" I did not answer.  I did not immediately tell him about my dream. I simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

Fast forward a few years, a few life lessons, a few mental, emotional, and spiritual growth spurts and we finally moved to Kelowna. We began in March to meet with a group of people wanting to explore the idea of a missional faith community together. It's been good. It's been a stretch. It's been an adventure. Today it began to be a fulfillment of a dream.

Today LRC (Love Revolution Communities) descended on our sketchy fourplex, weeded, mowed, planted, cleaned and built garden boxes for the families who live here. Children dug in the dirt, played with bubbles, and coloured the cement all around the house with sidewalk chalk. Long after we leave here, LRC will have left an impression.

Now here we are, sitting at our kitchen table with a visiting friend and I am reflecting on the day. God is so incredibly, richly good to us. We are surrounded by beautiful people with enormous hearts and kind spirits. Sometimes I miss my childhood home and my heart sits aches a bit in my chest as I go about my life here. Not today though. Today my heart is full, content and satisfied to see this journey through.

The Cure of Kindness ~ 4

Just a dash of hope at the finish line

We have all heard the horrific stories of the past week. The fear, the carnage and the questions have permeated the news. Why bomb a marathon? Why children, families and people who run? I have no answers for things that make very little sense, however I do have a story. There were many stories of heroism, sacrifice and strength that day. This is a story of a small kindness that made a big difference to one woman. It stands out to me because I, like the man in this story, also work for the organization of YoungLife. My friend here in kelowna sent me this story and I am affirmed in my belief that I belong to a very cool community of people who love at every opportunity. Follow this link and read on.

The Cure of Kindness - Instalment 2!

It's the little things

I can honestly say that though grand gestures are a wonderful phenomenon and change lives, it's in the little moments of kindness that we realize how simple kindness can be for all of us. Sometimes it doesn't have to cost a ton of time or resources and the impact is still greater than you realize. Here is a story of such thoughtful actions from a young friend of mine in university....

Hey Sarah, here is my story

  My story happened twice. The first time I was standing in line at my University's cafeteria with a coffee. The line was getting quite long as it usually does around lunchtime. The man a couple people ahead of me reached the till and proceeded to pay for about 5 of us. I think we mostly had beverages, or small food items. I was blown away by the generosity. The second time I was actually buying a meal and when I went to pay, the lady said, "done." When I gave her a confused look she responded with, "Someone has left their student ID with me to pay for people's food." It was almost the end of the spring semester, and if you do not use all your food money as a res student it just goes back to the Uni. I couldn't believe what had happened. It is amazing, but these small acts of love have impacted me greatly. I have not done anything quite so grand, but I have paid for a couple coffees of strangers. 

  My story is really quite short, but I still remember it every time I am in line at my University cafeteria
  

  Caitlin

If you or someone you know has a kindness story they would like to contribute, email me at little_mother_@hotmail.com. You never know how your story might brighten someone's day, or better yet, inspire brand new acts of kindness! 

The cure of Kindness - Day one

A basement, a bedroom and a impromptu indoor pool

I have asked my friends and readers to send in stories of kindnesses that have changed their lives or just their day. I have some, but am hoping for more to post this month so if you have one, please send it to little_mother_@hotmail.com. Please let me know if you want to remain anonymous or if I am free to publish your name here.

I thought to start I would share a story of my own. I am blessed to have many, but I have picked this one for today. 

A few years ago, we had a bizarre rainstorm in my hometown. It poured like nothing we had ever seen before. People were canoeing in the parking lot of the mall and rivers were running down the streets. It was incredible to watch the lightening and the sheets of water hit the ground. 

Unfortunately, the next day we woke up to find an indoor pool we hadn't ordered in our basement. The kids thought it was hilarious as we scrambled to find shop vacs and fans and call the insurance adjuster. As it turned out, we were one of the lucky ones who didn't have sewage pumping up into our basement from broken drains and even broken toilets. Though we were grateful beyond measure for the lack of floaters, it also meant that the insurance company would do nothing for us. 

Another important detail in this story was that we had a teenager staying with our already large six person family and another couple moving in a week to join us in our four bedroom house. Staring at my drenched basement carpet and drywall, while my children joked about building a sailboat made me want to scream. It was definitely one of those stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off moments.

As Alex began shoving soggy books and ruined treasures into garbage bags, I did the only thing I could think of in the moment and called one of my good friends who owned a truck. 

"Can I borrow your husband and your truck for the afternoon?" "Sure, why?" "My basement flooded and its really bad. I need to take a few loads to the dump and start tearing apart drywall." "Sure thing. I'll send him right over." 

While Alex picked away at the basement, I headed to the hardware store for some work gloves and heavy duty garbage bags. I was gone for about an hour as I had stopped for a little private pity party on the way. By the time I returned, my house was full of about thirty people who I had varying degrees of relationship with. Some I barely knew. My friend, knowing how many people were about to live in our house, had rallied the troops on our behalf. Halfway through the afternoon, the basement was cleared, the soggy drywall had been cut away and complimentary pizza had arrived from the local pizza place owned by good friends. Even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

When dinner was over, the men folk were sitting around and asked if we had anything else that needed to get done. Alex said he had been meaning to take out the old broken fireplace downstairs and lengthen the living room so we could add a wall for another bedroom. Well, they all lit up with the excitement of three year old boys in a new sandbox and started listing off who owned axes and sledge hammers. Luckily at that point I had to go to work so the demolition phase could happen without my fretting presence. 

Within a week, our house was better suited for our big family than it had been before the flood.

The great thing about this story is that it was not just our lives that this kindness effected. In the coming weeks, some of the people who had been invited to our house that day started opening up to each other with more vulnerability than they had had the courage to before. We got to participate in all sorts of kindnesses initiated by that group of people because one day my friend wouldn't settle for just sending her husband and his truck. That, my friends, is the great thing about kindness. It is contagious.

Day 30

December 30th

More Art Gallery Fun!

I know, I missed a few days. There was cooking and a Levi/Dad day and some other fun, but the important part has been that Grandma and Grandad Dalton have come to visit! We have been enjoying their company and introducing them to some of our favourite parts of Kelowna. 

Today, we spent the morning at Metro church because the kids really wanted Mom and Dad to meet Pops. He is the man Levi has been cooking with on Tuesdays. It was a very cool morning and the message was a good reminder about Jesus' yoke being easy. There is a significant temptation these days to pick up our burdens again. To be impatient. To falter in our faith and our beliefs about God's promises. This mornings message was the reminder I needed that it would be foolish and frustrating to stop trusting God.

After church and a nice lunch, we headed down to the art gallery for the weekly Sunday afternoon family craft. This week was New Year's resolution magnets.

From left to right,

Hannah's resolution is to do more abstract art.

Grandma's resolution is to smile more.

I made a matching set of resolutions for Grandad and I. I intend to keep the "don't worry" and send "be happy" home with Dad.

Alex's resolution is to find a way to keep blacksmithing.

Levi's resolution is to be kinder to his three sisters, depicted here as angels.

Shiloh's is to love more.

Selah's is to take care of Coco by herself.

I love the different mediums we all chose and how some of used words and some didn't. As parents, we hope to instil certain values and ideas that we believe are important, but we also try to make room for our children to become their very own selves. I appreciate that art has a way of magnifying our uniqueness. The Kelowna Art Gallery is quickly becoming one of my favourite places.

Day 19

December 19

Daddy Daughter Day for Shiloh

 Shiloh needs lots of hugs and "I loves you"s. She needs to be listened to and actually heard. It brightens her whole world when someone demonstrates that they really "get" her. This sounds like a lot of work, but the truth is, when she feels loved, she is extravagant in it's return. Because she is sensitive and a little thinned-skinned, she is gentle with other people. She is quick to encourage and lend a hand. She will find the left-out kid on a field and invite them to play. She cheers for the underdog. She will love the people around her with a depth and breadth that is astounding. She takes some very deliberate investment, but the returns are beyond worth it.

A great example of this happened this morning. I walked into the kitchen to find a bowl of cereal as well as two pieces of toast on the table. Beside them was this card....

Yesterday, Shiloh and Selah decided to create her own big big sister holiday. Shiloh made a card that she had Selah sign, then woke Selah up early so they could make Hannah breakfast together. I wish I could articulate how beautiful this was. I can't think of a better way to begin a day.

Because of Shiloh's very soft disposition, time spent alone with one of us means more to her than the others. Not that the other kids don't love that special attention, but to Shiloh it is more life-giving than anything else we do.

For their Daddy Daughter Date, Alex took her to the H2O. She LOVES the swimming pool there and although she really likes it when we all go together, she sometimes gets frustrated trying to keep up with her older siblings. Going there and having Alex's full and undivided attention was a rare and wonderful treat. The grin on her face as well as the thousand words a minute story was proof of her appreciation.

Sometimes people ask us if we regret getting married and having kids so young. Certainly, there have been some sacrifices and some dreams that have been set-aside for the most youthful parts of our lives. I would not tell my daughters that getting married at seventeen and having four kids before their twenty-third birthday is for everyone. However, I honestly can't think of anything I was dreaming about before kids that was worth more than this. 

Day 17

December 17

Mommy Daughter Day for Selah

I love all my children completely and entirely and without conditions, but I like them for different reasons. Levi has the same interesting, creatively analytical mind as his father. He is an excellent conversationalist. Hannah is sweet-spirited. Even as the age of teenage-hood approaches, she continues to be the peace-maker in our home. She is very often the voice of reason when the Marriott house gets grumpy and tired. Shiloh is the giver. My blog title is little mother, but I share that title with Shiloh. She is always eager to hold a baby or occupy a toddler for a weary Mama. If there is a way for her to help, she is watching to find it. These are just the things that stand out, there are so many reasons my children are a blessing to me.

But this is Selah's day. Selah, youngest of four, seven-year-old ball of energetic fun. Selah, whose name, by some definitions, means "to pause and contemplate" is an interesting character who regularly inspires my own pausing to contemplate. Selah seems to have only two speeds; quietly self-occupied and the fully engaged center of attention. She seems equally happy in both roles and is equally entertaining in either. The other night we were at a Christmas dinner for people who volunteer at Metro. At one point, I looked over to find her lecturing the entire children's table about something they all found clearly interesting, and at another point she was in the far corner of the room, away from everybody, dancing to the dinner music by herself. She is so comfortable being in her own skin, it makes my Mama heart happy.

Needless to say, she is good company. Today, she and I went to the Marmalade Cat for lunch and the moment we get out of the van, this is the conversation we start with;

Selah: So you know how you can't see sperm, well you can with a telescope.

Me: Do you mean microscope?

Selah: Ya, I always mix those up.

Me: Just curious, what makes you think of sperm right now?

Selah: Eating.

Me: Eating?

Selah: 'Cause growing babies need good food. 

Me: Of course.

At this point there is a lull in the conversation as we order and ogle our mango cake thing.

After a healthy dose of sugar, and as we are starting to each our much healthier sandwiches, the conversation turns even more interesting.....

Selah: Mom, did you know you're still young enough to have babies?

Me: Uh, huh?

Selah: Nothing. I just wanted to say you are still young enough to have babies. Just because. If you wanted to know. 

Hmm. I can only guess what is going on in that little head......

Anyway, Day 17 down, 14 more to go. Past the halfway mark and this whole thing has been a success. We have gotten to know our kids and each other a little better this month, as well as made our first December away from home feel special. 

Day 8

December 8 

Photo-scavenger hunt!

Today we went all over Kelowna and West Bank to take pictures that fit the clues we started out with. After getting the pictures all together, we have created a story arc with captions.....

Our story begins with an innocent morning of light reading.....

Until suddenly, Mom and Dad, while reading about how to scratch a wombat, discover an old legend about the Ogopogo being trapped in a tiny puddle by an evil, unscratched wombat. They decide to go in search of the poor, lonely, trapped Ogopogo....

Mom and Dad find the Ogopogo, wake him and ride him to safety!!

The very grateful Ogopogo expresses his gratitude.

Levi warns him not to get fresh with his sisters. 

This magnificent rescue adventure is over by noon. The Marriotts, enticed by their new hero status, go in search of new adventures.....

They find a blaze! Mom and Dad disappear into the flames. The children hear them crying out for help! Unfettered, they brave the flames to find their parents!

Once the fire is under control, the mini Marriotts succumb to the disappointment of their parents seemingly being lost forever. They head to a local church in hopes they will know of a family that might take them in. They will promise to do chores for their supper.

Once again the children are smiling! A kind soul from the parish found Mom and Dad and nursed them back to health!

Together again, the Marriott family share a cheesy pose by the lake to celebrate!

Day Four

December fourth was a fun, free, stay-at-home kind of activity. We played charades. I'll let you scroll through and guess. Ill give you hints and at the end you can see if you are right. Picture 1- inanimate object, picture 2- fruit, picture 3 and 4 - person we know, picture 5- another inanimate object, and picture 6- another fruit. Good luck!

 If you guessed stool, banana, Joel Purdy, pillow, and apple, you guessed correctly!

I'll be honest, I have never played a more dysfunctional or hilarious game of charades. They have asked for this to be a regular event. I am not sure they understand the game, but we had fun. I gave you some fairly obvious clues, but we didn't get those. We had to keep asking the banana if it did anything else. What does it rhyme with? He just stood there, hunched over. Seriously. The pillow was also interesting. Selah said it was something mostly women made. Huh? Hannah guess dinner, Selah said, "I said women mostly make them." I'm a little confused. Then we realized, Hannah has been constantly sewing pillows for all the stuffies in the house. The easy one was Joel Purdy. For those who don't know him, he is a friend and band-mate who plays guitar, sings, and has copious amounts of facial hair. Most men will never be able to grow in a life time of untrimmed effort what he would consider a 5 o'clock shadow. Three of them shouted, "Joel Purdy" in unison second after I started. Too funny.