thoughtful

I have had a wakeful night. We leave today for Calgary and it is a bittersweet trip. Alex and I will have tons of uninterrupted time which is lovely, but I am nervous about his surgery. It is not that I don't trust God. It's just that I have learned the hard way that trusting God does not mean expecting all your plans to turn out according to your own design. But I am only nervous...not enough fear there to keep me up all night.

Part of my sleepless state was induced by the many upcoming events of the next few months. Three weddings! Each beginning marriages that I think will be amazing. But coming very shortly is also the anniversaries of events I could have skipped. It is those events that had the gears going into the wee hours. Grief, loss, and change are interesting things. They are often the tools for shaping us. But, as I drifted in and out of consciousness, I thought about how long that uncomfortable process takes. As has become my habit, I forcefully brought my mind back to gratitude and finished off my morning day dreaming about another important anniversary coming up soon. Reflections of the last eight years of my own marriage made me even more excited to participate in my sisters wedding in June.

I used to think the bit about the circle of life was corny, but I am coming to understand that it is a feeble human attempt to describe the constant flow of this life. But at this point, my sleep deprived brain has me rambling and I have to pack.