In the learning

The last year has been one of learning and healing and trusting. Some days the ebb and flow seems to bring the tide of it all washing down on me so that it is all I can do to keep my head above water. Yet looking back, I know that ultimately it is refreshing. Stretching. Challenging. I am learning to be "grateful in all things." For instance, though lack of sleep tugs at my ability to concentrate this morning, I am grateful for the 2 a.m. tea I shared with my three year old when neither of us could sleep. I could have irriatatedly sent her back to bed. But instead I put on the kettle and my sweet girl and I comforted eachother in the wee hours. Almost a moment lost, it became one more memory made.
This last year has been full of those. Moments that could have been lost in tragedy, and overwhelming sorrow, became moments that bonded and strengthened. This last year brought miracles to uplift in sad times. Dad survived, and sweet babies Wrenny and Mia made their debute. Friendships made stronger. Faith made stronger.
And as each new crisis arises, there is gratitude to found. And though I admit there are days when fear seems to be sinking its poison teeth into my thoughts, I appreciate the opportunity to count my many many blessings. I have little in the way of material things but I am wealthy beyond measure. I am relieved to realize that control is only a perception we cling to. I am glad for the moments that all there is left to do is lean on my creator. And so this morning, after a sleepless night, I have resolved to surrender all that I worry for. I resolve to remind myself daily that the joy of the Lord is my strength.