Odds and sods of Spring

The day after

News vans, satellites, clean-up crews and random spectators are everywhere as I step outside my door. I tried to garden, watch "Rupert" with the kids, eat a pizza picnic in the backyard. Normal, everyday things. Things that remind you that life keeps ticking away no matter the circumstance.

Though I go through the motions, my mind returns constantly to a friend of mine who is now mourning the loss of a family member. It has vividly brought back the feeling I had in the first weeks after Dooger died. That desperate need to scream at the universe, "Take it back!!!" Trying to figure out how to claw back the hands of the clock to a place in time when you could change the course of history.

Now, mingled with the news regurgitating everything about the Sullivan mine accident two years ago tomorrow, there is news of this new tragedy. New people whose absence this community must adjust to. New people whose stories will be told over and over in the coming months through tears and laughter.

So again, as two years ago, I am reminded that the only day we were promised was yesterday. With my beautiful munchkins beside me I am going to put some more green things in the ground and let the sunshine wash away some of this weary feeling.

Last night a friend shared a song with me that was perfection in that moment.
The last verse goes like this....

It all seems so obvious now
When I look back over my life
There's a need for sorrow and doubt
For darkness and for light
It's how it must be

All in good time.....
The bad time will be gone

May 13, 2008

Approximately two hours ago, four people died tragically in a helicopter accident at the bottom of our alley. We were sitting at our window when we noticed the low flying aircraft above the houses across the street. The men inside appeared to be looking for something as the helicopter swayed from side to side. Moments later we heard the crash and saw the smoke.

We rushed outside to find the alley engulfed in thick black smoke. We thought the house on the corner was on fire. As the smoke cleared we stood helpless while a body lay in flames in the street. We could not go any closer to try and help because of the ignited fuel on the ground and the popping sounds still coming from the wreckage.

Now, as I watch the spectators congregating outside our windows, I am repulsed by the gawking. People taking pictures with their cell-phones and camera's. Teenagers laughing and pushing each other around. The looks on people's faces make it seem as if they are at a carnival; as though they aren't at the site of a tragedy. As though four lives didn't just end in all this entertainment. As though there aren't four bodies of people who were loved laying underneath those tarps.

I find myself offering up a prayer not just for the victims and their families but also for the people walking down my street. I pray that they may be touched by the deep sorrow of what has happened here. I am not sure how I feel about being part of a society whose curiosity is capable of outweighing their compassion.

Mommy, Madre, Mama, Mammy, Mutter

Tomorrow will be my 9th Mother's day (if you count the pregnant one) as one of the honored guests. My house daily overflows with kids and their laughter and tantrums alike. And I love it! And I am regularly seized with excitement mingled with terror as we ride this wild roller coaster of parenting.

Even on the days that I am longing for a vacation, I am filled with gratitude. I won't tell them until they are ready to move out (for fear that it may go to their heads) but these small people inhabiting my home are the not the only students of life lessons here. Even as I instruct, and console, and mend, and kiss, and wait, and breathe, and count to ten, I am struck by the knowledge that these "teachable moments" are as much for me as for them. There are so many revelations to be unwrapped in the words and through the eyes of children.

I have learned that patience takes practice for everyone, no matter how many years you have lived.
I have learned that ants, blades of grass, wind, moving water, and human body are creations deserving of observation.
I have learned that even something as common as the birth of another baby can hold the status of miracle.
I have learned that crayon can be washed out of a dryer with WD-40 and time.
I have learned that potty-training comes in it's own time despite singing potties, color changing pull-ups, and cool books about peeing.
I have learned that the very best, meticulously made plans just aren't worth anything when the latest favorite teddy is lost.
I have learned that love has no boundaries. None. It can go everywhere.
I have learned that little boys are born thinking little girls have penis envy. That one is definitely nature rather than nurture.
I have learned that even though scraped knees hurt, they are crucial to the process of learning to ride a bike and the even more difficult lesson is that heartbreaks are crucial to learning the lessons of friendship, self-worth, and compassion.

I am still learning how to let go and trust other people not to damage the children I love so deeply.
I am still learning how not to come to the rescue all the time.
I am still learning how very not in control of anything I really am.
I am still learning that sometimes resistance is futile.
I am learning that Motherhood belongs to anybody who chooses to nurture, lift up, mend, and teach.

And most importantly, I think, I am coming to understand why God doesn't always come to my rescue just when and how I ask. Yet, just as I am waiting to embrace my children after a particularly difficult lesson or applaud them when they accomplish something that seemed impossible to them before, I know my Abba is there.

There are so very many lessons yet to come on this ever evolving journey and I hope I remember to slow down and pay attention enough to learn them well.

Happy 29th birthday to my very own genius saskwatch!

So, we were at a wedding last year or maybe the year before and Alex's big revelation to the groom was that marriage was like a really long sleepover. It's probably not a comment you're going to read in a Shakespeare romance, but it gave me warm fuzzies all over anyway. Probably the biggest compliment a person could get is that after several years of marriage, their spouse still calls it a sleepover. On one Alex-planned anniversary, we dyed our hair blue. Now that is some sizzling love-life right there. Serious points for originality. He is an amazing Daddy who isn't afraid to change a diaper or kiss a boo-boo. He is also a fabulous teacher, not just to our kids but also to the people around us. He has this way of being downright direct without ever making you feel judged. He is equally passionate about his faith and his pursuit of science. He can bring the two into a harmony I never would have thought possible. He is friendly and warm, gentle and honorable. He is generous and forgiving beyond anyone else I have ever met. He is an artist and a scientist. A skilled tradesman and a poet. A geek and goofball. And above all else, he is hairy. Really really hairy. Our children will have toe hair.

Happy birthday my love!!

Blog therapy

After a very in-depth, emotional conversation with my mother, I have come to the conclusion that my undisciplined toe hair practices are a result of low self-esteem caused by seeing my father wearing pink tights in public. Childhood trauma like that simply cannot be undone by therapy.......

( I should probably clarify that the pink tights were part of a town crier costume for the children's festival. For the record, when you are coming up on adolescence, knowing the purpose of the pink tights does not lessen the impact.)

Meh..

After doing some errands with spring fever afflicted children, I still needed to go to the store but didn't have the motivation. So, to keep myself going, I called a very pregnant friend who just started her maternity leave. Seconds after getting into the vehicle, she comments on my bright yellow socks and tsk's at me for wearing them with sandles. I explained that I do understand, and mostly follow, the no-socks-in-the-sandles fashion rule. The reason for the yellow socks was Selah's music lesson this morning. Toddlers and toe hair don't mix. Now, this answer seems perfectly reasonable to me. However, her reaction was bouts of laughter intermingled with a lecture on tweezers and their usefulness. My reaction, of course, is why the heck would I tweeze my poor toes when I can just apply yellow socks? My way seems far less painful and time-consuming. Besides, what did my toes ever do to deserve that kind of torture. yeesh.

So anyway, we continue on our way and it begins to bucket rain. Big, fat, splats of water worthy of rain forest weather were hitting my windshield. So I did what I usually do and rolled down the window about two inches, turned on the wipers, and stuck my hand out so the wiper would hit my hand and bounce back instead of getting stuck on the side like it usually does. My friend starts laughing hysterically. In retrospect, this seems far less odd than it did at the time. I would probably laugh at someone if I saw them casually flicking their wiper back into rhythm at every swipe. The whole trip reaffirmed once again that my life is just not boring.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

So my world has (from the moment I was born, I'm sure) been this big ball of uncertain evolutions. This particular season has many interesting turns of events. My hours are cut at work again, we may or may not be housing a fifth child on weekends for awhile, the "Refuge" has closed for the summer, Seattle and teaching children's music is back on, the van is dying a slow painful death, Levi has officially moved downstairs and, to top it all off, Levi is enrolled in school for the fall. Whew! I can barely keep up, I am sure you guys are reading it twice making sure you don't miss anything important.

In the meantime, I am still finding my moments of sanity in the wee hours when I arrive home from work. Hence this early A.M. post. Can't say this is where I pictured myself at 26, but I am certainly far from bored!

Besides, that cliche about kootenay weather applies to my life too. You know, if you don't like it, wait 5 minutes, it'll change!

PIctures of park camping and Alex's new ride.

Tent city

It was cold. And loud. And uncomfortable. And did I mention cold? In fact it was the first morning in several weeks that folks here woke up to their vehicles being covered in frost. I climbed into our tent around 11:15 P.M. next to my son, tucked him in a little tighter and tried to get warm and fall asleep. Who would have thought night life in little 'ol Cranny could be so full of ruckus.

All this was to raise awareness that Cranbrook has an actual, for real, honest to goodness, homeless problem. Especially now, as housing costs rise and minimum wage doesn't, people are finding themselves on friends couches. Those that are lucky enough to have friends with that kind of generosity anyway. So, a tent city in the central park was proposed. I didn't count the tents, but I was impressed with the turnout. I was also impressed with the variety of people from all social classes. Even a few of the homeless themselves joined us. In fact, one particularly friendly gentlemen woke us at a rather ungodly hour to remind us that by now we would have had to take down and hide our tents, were this really our lot in life. In fact we slept in a good half hour more than the men who stay at The Refuge get to.

As a humorous aside, my Mother seems to have a strange reaction to the combination of cold and lack of sleep. At some point during the night, I am not sure when, since I was at least partly asleep, she leans over to me giggling. Between quiet bouts of laughter she says, "so we were playing Taboo..." and then breaks out into what can now be described as uncontrollable laughter. At this point, I am thinking, "well that was a weird thing to suddenly blurt out." A few seconds later she manages to say, "Ferdy points at me and says, "what you are (more hysterical laughter here) except wrapped in cotton."" At this point I am now unable to quell my own laughter, because Mom can't even speak. Not only that, but I am picturing my Mother wrapped in cotton batting doing this weird trying-to-escape wiggle that she was doing in her jacket earlier in the evening. Well the word turned out to be mummy, which I would have gotten if it weren't for the late hour and my Mother's odd behaviour distracting me. It occurs to me now that this may not be quite as funny to someone reading my blog as it was to us but it still makes me giggle.

Anyway, pictures to come soon.....

bummer

It doesn't look like I will make it to Seattle this July after all. Our music teacher, finding her life too hectic, has decided to scale down her lessons so she can spend more time with her family. A decision that would normally elicit my admiration, has instead aroused my selfish disappointment. Ah, such is life...

Just enjoying the process

Last night the Fiona came and interviewed the kids. It was hysterical, I laughed so hard it hurt. I had to be in the other room where the kids couldn't see me, but she said I could listen so I did. All three of the kids who could talk pegged Hannah as the person who laughs the most in our family and Selah as the one who cries the most. Levi said he could handle another girl in our family, but he hopes he can go play somewhere else more then. Hannah talked about absolutely everything she could think of even if no questions were asked. Shiloh somehow managed to answer every question with something to do with princesses and complained that Levi wouldn't play princesses even when they really needed a prince.

So that's it. The last of our home study. In a few weeks, Fiona will bring us her overview and we will go over it and make sure it is a good representation of our family. This process has been difficult at times; peeling back the layers can be uncomfortable as anyone knows. It has also definitely had it's benefits. We have learned some things about ourselves and our kids and asked questions we wouldn't otherwise have asked. Overall, no matter the outcome, I am really glad we have gone through this process. I appreciate being able to look back six months and see personal growth as well as relational growth in our family. It gives me a sense of moving forward even if it doesn't immediately take us anywhere.

Feaster

Easter, being very busy for us every year, and us, being cheap, means we don't do the Easter bunny thing. Instead we stock up when everything goes %50 off and we do the Marriott family FEASTER the weekend after. Goodies and games and all around merriment are themes of the day and I have set out the goodies and am gearing up for a morning of fun. Holidays totally made-up and original are cooler than the trendy, everybody-does-it, days anyway. :P

Out on the trail

Today we actually had a lazy Saturday. We did not leave the house until just before noon. We did not clean or cook. When we left the house, we spent most of our time away playing with the kids in the sunshine. After a jaunt at the park, I dropped the kids and Alex off at home and went to a friends house for a trail ride on a friendly horse named Flicka. She was rather lazy and so would fall behind and every so often she would run to catch up. This was very disconcerting at first until I got to know Flicka a bit and learned that she really will stop when I tell her to. It was a gorgeous day, and although my bottom is a bit tender, I ended up enjoying going a bit a faster. I can't wait to find time to do it again!

Receiving acts of kindness

Being grossly sick this week has slowed me down to a snails pace. My usual pace has been quite impossible to maintain. Discouraging for one so used to being busy, having things to do, places to go, people to meet. Anyone who has known me throughout my pregnancies knows I loath the words, "take it easy." Yet for five days now I have found myself mostly housebound, and actually, enjoying some of it.

There have been offers to cook for me, people coming over to keep me company, and Alex's boss giving him unprecedented time off with a, "take as long as you need." I am getting bored, and would love to have my energy back, but being forced to acknowledge what incredible friends and family I have, has made the slowing down somewhat worth it. So, my body may be tired and sick and frustrated, but my soul is well-nourished and ready for another round of Marriott Mom-ness. Thanks everyone!

At ease or somthing like it.

I have been "resting" for 4 days now, after a bout with pnemonia last weekend. I have taken sick days at the group home, pulleed myself out of music lessons for the week, aquired a fill-in maintainance person for the shelter, and asked Jamie to get her Mom to take the kids for the weekend.

I really did try to take it easy, but by yesterday afternoon I was going batty so I vacuumed the whole house and today I did about 11 loads of laundry and unpacked some more of the garage. I am sorry. I don't do "taking it easy" very well. I have learned, through this experience, never to spend money on a tropical vacation. I wouldn't last two days poolside before I went loopy. How does a person (as described to me by dear friends who vacation often) just sit on a beach day after day.

It's not that I don't stop to smell the roses, I do. It's just that, if I am stopping to smell them, why not weed them while I'm at it? Maybe even trim a few to take home. Far more satisfying, in my opinion.

Spring approaches..

February, in my opinion, is the Wednesday of the year. It's the hump. Every year, February sees me just pluggin' away hoping for sunshine. So when I woke up one morning and suddenly it was March, I wasn't sure what happened to the previous month. Although, I really can't say I am sad to have missed it. Besides March is beginning with such fun....

Last week Miss Andrea passed me the reigns to teach a music class (with her close by my side of course.) She had an injured hand and called me up the night before to ask if I could wing it. It was fun and excruciating at the same time. It was like the first time you drive a car. You know how everything works, you covered that on the learner's test, but you keep waiting for something to explode because you've hit the wrong peddle or something. But nothing exploded and it was fun!

Then last night as I was suffering from a fever and chills and coughing up my spleen, my husband did the sweetest thing! First I must give you some background. While on our trip to Nelson, we bought this little booklet called 52 weeks of romance. It's a little book of nice things to do for each other. It's not that we need spicing up, it's that we are way too overworked right now to be very original and this is our way of preventing the need for spicing. So anyway, this week was Alex's week. After dealing with an ill wife and the 7 children running around here lately, he popped over to the store. Within a half hour of his return, he had scrubbed out the tub,filled it for a eucalyptus bath and brought me a bowl of fresh raspberries! It does not remotely matter that it wasn't an original idea, his timing was perfect and he turned a horribly painful, hacking, medicated day into all kinds of warm fuzzies. I said it before and I'll say it again, I think I'll keep him.

Seattle

In July I will be heading to Seattle with Miss Andrea, my children's music teacher, to get trained as Musikgarten teacher!! I will be teaching babies and toddlers music lessons in the fall! I can't wait. When Andrea was telling me about the workshops, she was saying how intensive they are. She then asked if I would be OK doing a full week because of how tired I will be at the end of each day. My response was to ask her these questions.

Will I be able to use the washroom and shower uninterrupted?
Will I get into vehicle and only have to worry about doing up my own buckle?
Will I get a designated lunch break where I will sit down and eat at the same time and no one will eat off my plate but me?
Will I be able to concentrate on one thing at a time without getting asked 4 questions at once?
Will I get up in the morning and just dress myself?

Since Andrea answered yes to all of these through her laughter, I think I will manage six days of intense workshops just fine thank you very much.

P.S. for any interested people who might want to pop down from the coast, I will be out of most workshops around three and have my evenings free. This really sounds more like a poorly disguised holiday than training......

Roadtrip!!!

Roadtrip!

We head out today at noon for a night to ourselves in Nelson. We have a room in the historic Blaylock mansion and we are going to have a nice dinner out and go shopping!! (Thank goodness for Tax returns!)

In other news, we attended KCF's second round of leadership olympics last night. This is the second year it came down to the team I was on and the team Alex was on and this is the second year my team soundly kicked his team's tooshies. :)

Eureka!

Shiloh comes out of her room this morning with sunglasses on and exclaims, "Look Mom! My rock and roll is better! I can sing it again!"

What a relief.....